A Work In Progress

The count down has begun.  Only one week to go until I say goodbye to my 20s and hello to my 30s and I couldn't be more thrilled.  A year ago the thought of turning 30 was a bit scary. Maybe scary is not the right word.  More like, unenthusiastic.  Un-pleased.  You get the point.  Not fully sure why I felt that way but I am beginning to believe it was because I wasn't ready just yet.   

This past year God has been working in my life more than He ever has before.  It has not been easy. Quite frankly, it has been horrendously hard at times.  The truth about oneself and acceptance of ones flaws and the remolding of ones life is never easy but it can be joyous and awe inspiring.  And, I am still and forever will be a work in progress.  


After a lot of reading, seeking wise counsel, prayer and time, I am finally starting to feel like I am coming into my own.  I have drifted apart from my childhood faith.  From my pastors faith. From my families faith.   I now have, my own beautiful faith.  


I had an epiphany about a year ago.  Someone asked me why I believe what I believe.  And, I realized some of the things I believed were based on what those close to me have told me.   And, they may be right but I wanted to do my own research. I wanted to find out things for myself.   It is exhilarating and eye opening and I truly believe everyone should ask themselves that same question.....Why Do You Believe What You Believe?  


There are things I believe now that I didn't believe 10 years ago, even 1 year ago.  There are things I believe or feel I never thought I would.  The ideas in my heart and soul have been challenged.   There are questions I have and beliefs I may never one hundred percent be sure of, but I will keep seeking and praying.  I have been learning more and more how God is not about rules and regulations but all about heart.  That worship doesn't have to look one particular way.  I have been questioning my beliefs on prayer....if our prayers change things or if we are called to do it mainly out of obedience to Gods Word, but I do know that no matter which of those is "right,"  nothing happens that God does not approve of first (not to be confused with causing things to happen), even the most horrific of events.   I also use to believe that the more (#) people prayed the more likely things would change but know I believe God hears the prayer of one just as much as the prayer of millions.  I have also sadly seen how Christians judge harshly when we are called not to judge.  I have friends who are atheist, gay, those who don't know what they believe, those who use to believe who now don't and those who are what most "religious" people would steer clear of, but I don't and won't turn my back on them just because they are different than I am!  We are all sinners! 
                                                                                             
Matthew 7  ^1-5 "Don't pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults— unless, of course, you want the same treatment. That critical spirit has a way of boomeranging. It's easy to see a smudge on your neighbor's face and be oblivious to the ugly sneer on your own. Do you have the nerve to say, 'Let me wash your face for you,' when your own face is distorted by contempt? It's this whole traveling road-show mentality all over again, playing a holier-than-thou part instead of just living your part. Wipe that ugly sneer off your own face, and you might be fit to offer a washcloth to your neighbor.


I have learned to find joy in all things.  To stop "needing" things that I don't really need and to stop complaining!  


Philippians 2:14-16 ¹⁴ Do everything without grumbling or arguing, ¹⁵ so that you may become blameless and pure, “children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.”^[a] Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky ¹⁶ as you hold firmly to the word of life. And then I will be able to boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor in vain.                                                         

I have also had the who I am  and why I am challenged drastically.

This has been the thing I have grown to feel the most in my gut.  The changes are happening but it is a process.  I would love to take another post and go into this more deeply.  It's hard.  It's building my faith and my understanding of what motherhood is all about in the eyes of my Lord.  And, how I am to walk beside my husband and love and respect him in all things. That "offense" is a terrible thing.   I never want to give up or stop growing or changing.  Humbling oneself and realizing that no one is perfect and that we don't have it all together is heavenly. 

  

Phillippians 1:6  Every time you cross my mind, I break out  in exclamation of thanks to God.  Each exclamation  is a trigger to prayer. I find myself praying for you with a glad heart.   I am so please that you have continued on in this with us, believing and proclaiming God's message, from the day you heard it right up to the present.  There has never been the slightest doubt in my mind that God who started this great work in you would keep at it and bring it to a flourishing finish on the very day Christ Jesus appears. 

In the midst of this journey, where the adversary tries his hardest to get me down daily spewing lies into my thought closest and trying to make me feel like I have not changed and will not change, I got sent these two beautiful posts by friends on Facebook today......


I am in awe we are friends.  I often feel I am everything you wouldn't want in a friend!  You are always there for everyone.  You are someone to look up to in so many path of life.  From marriage to parenthood to faith to just being a decent human.  Your energy is contagious and your joy infectious.  (Michelle Yost)

and

You are one of my first friends!  I loved all the time we spent together growing up.  You are such a beautiful person!  Your status updates (on FB) always inspire me to be a better Mom and Wife.  Thank you for that!  You're so very positive, and I really appreciate that about you.  I enjoy seeing all the pics of the beautiful state you live in and of our course your sweet girl! Again, I am SO thankful for FB! (Jennifer Pughe)

Now, I write that not to speak highly of myself but to prove that God and God alone is amazing.  That even when I am not "feeling" certain things or  have been listening to the lies of who I am He is faithful and can use anyone even someone beautifully flawed, liked myself, to shine Christ's light to others.  It brings me hope.  It pushes me onward and upward. I don't want to give up.......

I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

So, all that to say......I am turning 30 in one week.  And, now, with the many changes that have happend and many changes to come I am ready. Ready to leave the old behind and grab ahold of this new life set before me.  It truly is a beautiful life.