***This is something I've wanted to do for awhile....keep a list of letters and thoughts on my blog for Grace to read when she gets a bit older and for me, to remember this time in our lives.
Dear Grace:
My promise to you-
I want you to know Grace, that your mommy is trying daily to be a better mom. I must confess that being a mom is a really hard "job" and to break away from your instincts or should I say what you saw growing up is truly the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Not that what I saw was necessarily wrong but just different from the way your daddy and I want to do things. My promise to you is that I, as a parent, am going to seek God's wisdom in all things, try my hardest to not act in anger, to not punish but teach, to not take the easy rout, to be constant at all times (thank you mom for teaching me the power of consistency), to let you be who you are, not who I want you to be and not make you feel guilty or try to manipulate you in any way. I want to be the best mommy that I can be. I am not saying I will never do any of these things, because I am not perfect, but I will try, with every fiber in my being, to resist the urge to do these things every single day.
And really, there is no excuse for me because there is too much information out there. I am reading a great book right now called "Positive Discipline A-Z 1001 Solutions to Everyday Parenting Problems" and it's fabulous. It's putting me in my place in a sweet and wonderful way. I appreciate knowing that some of the things I do and way I do things may not be the best way. I love seeking out advice and truly believe that if more parents sought help and knowledge from experts (counselors, etc.) there would be a lot let stress in their household and a lot less dysfunction with in the family unit, but so many people are too prideful to admit that they don't' know everything and that they might need to change. Well, here it goes Grace-Mommy does not know everything. Mommy makes mistakes. Thankfully, as you know, Mommy is not afraid to admit when I make a mistake and seek your forgiveness. Mommy wants the best for you and that means making sure I am doing my best! I love you Grace.
I am going to keep a log of my thoughts and notes from the book I am reading so I can look back and remember. I need to be held accountable. I need to pray about it daily. I need you to be patient with me and more so than anything I need to be patient with you. I don't want to teach you poor habits: yelling, quick to anger, poor reactions, etc. Those are not acceptable traits and I could never expect you to steer clean of those if I am not doing the same. I can not stand it when parents yell at kids for doing the things they do themselves-so aggravating for me. I don't want to be like that. The best way to parent is to lead by example and I want to be a good example for you my dear.
We love you so much Grace that it hurts (in a good way sweety, I know you don't like it when mommy is sad or hurting). You have taught us to play more; to see things in a new way; to enjoy life and the little things. You are worth the hard work Grace. And, again, I promise these things to you.
-Your Mommy
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